1. |
home
02:10
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beige skin in the situation i’m in
with the city as my doorstep
and all the streets as my sins
i wanna paint a picture
every light, tree, and fixture
to make sure that i never forget
the way the sky looks when you’re sitting way too high
and passin through the trees when you’re going north on the red line
new yorkers think they’re bolder
la gives us the shoulder,
but we all know windy’s the best
fuck corrupt politicians
that’s not the home i live in
my home is cotton candy block parties with paper dishes
my home is organizing, protesting, fantasizing,
about a future where the kids are good
chicago’s thriving
you run your mouth about gun violence and gangs
you say you feel the pain but you do not understand
people are fighting every day, holding their lives in their hands
doesn’t matter who pulled the trigger, they created the hand
and you can say what you want about us, about who we are
but yall suburbanites claim our name in your big ass cars with your good ass schools
don’t tell us to be quiet
don’t tell us to calm down
16 shots shot and a cover-up
the silence screams so loud
we love our city lots, we love our people more
but cops don’t like black bodies, they are declaring war
and oh, this is home
and we won’t give up
all the things we’ve done
because they make you uncomfortable
and oh, this is home
even when i go
where there is no snow,
i know i’ll know it’s here
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2. |
rainbow
03:15
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mama always would tell me,
“gotta work 10x more harder,
harder than anyone else”
she told me, “people don’t matter,
you can’t trust no one but family,
just got them and yourself"
she told me, "just cause we’re shorter
doesn’t mean we can’t be bolder,
bolder than anyone else"
as i would sit on her shoulders
banana bread heated rollers
pancit and pandesal
ma and i are rainbows in the sky
in the sky of big white clouds
i’m the red, she’s the blue, fuck the white
we are colorful and loud
everything that i ahve in this world is because of what she gave
even though sometimes i forget when she tells me to behave
within myself are colors are colors that you can’t see
it’s the colors of las islas filipinas
it’s the colors of my ancestors and me
sometimes, i stare up at the sky
and see a rainbow shining so high
i see my pale brown thighs
i see my sisters eyes
i see my brothers nose
i see my titas’ lives
mama always would tell me,
“gotta work 10x more harder,
harder than anyone else”
as i would sit on her shoulders
banana bread heated rollers
pancit and pandesal
now or not, fight or fly
back at home people die
get to learn, get to thrive
my skintone the divide
brown or white, plain or fried
boys like white, brown to hide
mama always told me i looked better with a tan
she thought i was pretty just being who i am
i see rainbows everytime i close my eyes
i see a million thins inside myself without disguise
mama always would tell me,
“gotta work 10x more harder,
harder than anyone else”
she told me, “people don’t matter,
you can’t trust no one but family,
just got them and yourself"
she told me, "just cause we’re shorter
doesn’t mean we can’t be bolder,
bolder than anyone else"
as i would sit on her shoulders
banana bread heated rollers
pancit and pandesal
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3. |
eleven eleven
03:19
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|
i still believe in flying colors
and the things you might believe i
f you were six years old
i still draw girls names down on cards with hearts
and x and os and shit
and write my name in bold
soemtimes i dream about the way i love
and how it’d feel to be l
oved back
i deserve more than guys off tinder
who make me feel like
i’m gonna ahave a heart attack
so i’m wishing
at 11:11
for someone who makes me paper planes
and i’m wishing
at 11:11
that you will sweep me off my feet and make me fly away
i still believe in theings intangible and magical
like fairies and some kind of god
but every day it’s getting harder
to believe that you will love me
despite al my flaws
i like to think each one i meet
unlocks a part of me w
ho makes me who i am
i like to dream of different versions
made of me that can
live inside your head
at 11:11
for someone who loves me as i am
and i’m wishing
at 11:11
that you will sweep me off my feet amake me believ in love again
i wish for love
i wish for feelings
wish for things that make me fall apart
i wish i wish i wish for you my dear
i wish emotions
wish for oceas
wish for theings that make me cry when you’re away
(i’m wishing…)
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4. |
ready
03:50
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i'm ready x3
i've been trying to tell you
all of these things i've been thinking
all of these ships i been sinking
it feels like nothing but drinking
i am surrounded by people
people who don't even know me
but still talk shit to their homies
about the time that they knew me
it feels like truth doesn't matter any more
gucci sunglass over gold coast white doors
cozy white boys wanna jump in my porsche
crying in bed over SAT scores
feels like i gave a piece of myself
to a place that don't care who i am
feel like i spent less time thinking about my lfie
than i did diagrams
i gave my soul up for a chem grade
i cried over in tenth grade
when i was losing my hair
so stressed
hands feeling so shaky
outside of state old navy,
lighting up a square
can't explain why i'm so ready to leave but
i'm ready x4
i'm ready now
can't explain what it feels like to believe
you're ready x4
you're ready now
it felt like all of my empathy
got so belt beated out of me
during fights with my dad
it feels lile crying on blue line trains
walking strange streets without no names
knowing i can't go back
and i've been trying to explain
that it's not all just a game
that i'm changing for the better
and i'm better now
it's a hard thing to maintain
all my friends doing cocaine
while i'm sitting on the sidelines
trying to figure out
if
i'm ready x8
i'm ready now
ready
i'm ready x7
ready now
i'm ready to know
all of the things that i don't know now
and i'm ready to see
what it means to be a human being
i'm ready x5
ready to see
i'm ready x5
ready to be
more than i know now,
love more than i know how
not take it and go down
i'm ready for that now
not taking no punches
from who made me lunches
because we don't agree
i'm ready to fly
i'm ready to fly
(i'm ready...)
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saint bahr Chicago, Illinois
saint is an 18 year old artist from chicago. she tries to capture the pain and joy of life through music. she never understood why artist bios were written in third person, but she's rolling with it. she thanks everyone for their support.
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